This is a poem I wrote when I first was diagnosed with Social Anxiety. It was a way for me to look for hope and keep trying.
It's about how I would feel everyday.
Power Of Pain
I sat alone another day.
The world was moving all around me,
but it seemed as if my life was in a standstill.
The doctors say its anxiety.
Everyone thinks anxiety means nervousness or fear,
but it is deeper than that.
Anxiety holds you prisoner.
You can't leave your house.
The doorbell rings but I can't answer.
There is too much fear inside.
You can't answer the phone.
"Telephone for you!" my family yells. I
tell them to say that I will call back, but I won't.
You can't eat.
No, not me. The anxiety
even controls that. All the pain rushes back up with
every little thing I eat.
You can't go out.
Everyone walking around me, but I can't move, the
apprehension paralyzes me.
Everyone says, "Be brave. You can do it. You'll make it out of this."
But sometimes I wonder if I will.
I try to combat it all, but if I attempt to do anything,
it all starts over again.
My heart beats faster and faster.
I can feel it in my chest.
Beads of sweat
Running down my forehead.
All the thoughts swarm in my brain.
The fear picks up.
It is unbearable.
I'm so frightened, but I don't know what of.
The paranoia sweeps over my body like a giant wave.
Every day I have to fight what seems to be a losing battle.
But then . . . I look outside.
I see the colors.
I see the life.
I see spirit.
I know I can do this.