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About the Poem

How are we suppose to deal with depression? We all have our own ways of dealing with it, but sometimes it gets carried away. I know . . . When my boyfriend left me I didn't think that his excuse was the honest truth. Seeing he obviously showed that he didn't have feelings for me anymore, I thought that his reasons had to do with me. So, I thought of many ways to try and convert myself and live up to his high standards and expectations of what he wanted me to be.

I remembered him telling me that my weight was a problem to him, so I was determined to do something about it. Whoever knew that bulimia was a thought? Well, this poem was written when I was in my room looking at myself in the mirror and what I had become . . . I didn't care about what I was doing to myself, all I could think about is how much I wanted him back. Well, I know that isn't going to happen, and now that I look at it from a better point of view, I don't want it to happen . . . I'm still dealing with the repercussions that came out of my choices, but they are healing with time. I'm learning to move on and slowly learning to love again . . .


The burning feeling in my throat
The pain almost amounts to what I feel in my heart
But this time I inflicted this upon myself
Hoping at the same time I'll improve all my flaws that turned you away
from me

I look upon myself in the mirror
I still don't like what I see in front of me
I see the residue of you around my mouth
The remains of your kisses on my cheeks

I can feel your breath whispering across my face
It sourly reminds me of the harsh winter wind that struck my face the day
you left
The irritating memory of the scent of your clothes burn my nose
They sting like the fumes that float off a just stricken match

I can still feel you uncaring arms around my waist
I feel myself wrapped around your finger by your words
Bound and tied down by the deceiving lies you spoke
Paralyzed by the sweetness that captured my attention without a second

I can sense your presence over me
Like a shadow that won't go away
I feel as if I have no way out
No light to guide my path

I know that this won't last forever
Just until the day that I'm ready to let you leave my mind
Obviously I'm not ready yet
For you have lingered in my thoughts ever since the day you left

I still dream of the day where I can live up to what you want me to be
The angel I never was
The angel I'm determined to be
Even though I know the day you'll want me again is just a faint hope
inflicted by my imagination

Until then
I'm going to do my best, which might even be the worst thing I could ever
To become what I think that I am not, what I hope that I'm not
Which is something I'll later regret
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© 1999 Liza Marie Please respect the rights of the author and Passions in Poetry. If you would like to use this poem on your own web page, please contact the Author. Thank you.

5 Visitor Comments

i don't really know exactly what to say. this poem really touched me. you are so talented. i have been diagnosed with bulimia and its scaring those that i love. your poem is really great. its so touching and awesome. really!
that poem really touched me. poetry has lets my mind dance apone the ryhmes; lt go of my own life and absorb the simplisty, no matter how complex. i am bulimic and have been for about five months now. its nice to know that there're are others out there like me. its hard, i know suffering like this. If you try, make some decisions (as i will soon have to make soon), and have hope, you can recover. im going to recover. at least i hope i will. im sorry, im going on and on about myself! this poem was truely amazing, and spoke to me in places deep inside me. thanks for writting it!
i was very touched by this poem because i have a very close friend who is currently dealing with bulimia. it reminded me that i need to support her because she is going through a really hard time in her life. thanks for the reminder!
i feel like you wrote this poem for me. my ex and i broke up a year ago and i still feel him kissing, and his arm around me. it poem made me open my eyes. thanks for writing it. i couldnt have put it in better words then you did. thanks alot!
I really loved this poem. I can really relate to it. It really speaks the truth about how relationships are today. If we are not exactly the way someone wants us to be, then we try our best to become something we aren't. Keep up the good work Liza Marie. You are very good poet, and don't listen to what anyone says about you. You are who you are and there is nothing they can do about it. There is someone out there that wants someone who is exactly like the real you. Peace, Love, Empathy

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