About the Poem
How are we suppose to deal with depression? We all have our own ways of dealing with it, but sometimes it gets carried away. I know . . . When my boyfriend left me I didn't think that his excuse was the honest truth. Seeing he obviously showed that he didn't have feelings for me anymore, I thought that his reasons had to do with me. So, I thought of many ways to try and convert myself and live up to his high standards and expectations of what he wanted me to be.
I remembered him telling me that my weight was a problem to him, so I was determined to do something about it. Whoever knew that bulimia was a thought? Well, this poem was written when I was in my room looking at myself in the mirror and what I had become . . . I didn't care about what I was doing to myself, all I could think about is how much I wanted him back. Well, I know that isn't going to happen, and now that I look at it from a better point of view, I don't want it to happen . . . I'm still dealing with the repercussions that came out of my choices, but they are healing with time. I'm learning to move on and slowly learning to love again . . .
Expectations |
| by Liza Marie |
| The burning feeling in my throat The pain almost amounts to what I feel in my heart But this time I inflicted this upon myself Hoping at the same time I'll improve all my flaws that turned you away from me I look upon myself in the mirror I still don't like what I see in front of me I see the residue of you around my mouth The remains of your kisses on my cheeks I can feel your breath whispering across my face It sourly reminds me of the harsh winter wind that struck my face the day you left The irritating memory of the scent of your clothes burn my nose They sting like the fumes that float off a just stricken match I can still feel you uncaring arms around my waist I feel myself wrapped around your finger by your words Bound and tied down by the deceiving lies you spoke Paralyzed by the sweetness that captured my attention without a second thought I can sense your presence over me Like a shadow that won't go away I feel as if I have no way out No light to guide my path I know that this won't last forever Just until the day that I'm ready to let you leave my mind Obviously I'm not ready yet For you have lingered in my thoughts ever since the day you left I still dream of the day where I can live up to what you want me to be The angel I never was The angel I'm determined to be Even though I know the day you'll want me again is just a faint hope inflicted by my imagination Until then I'm going to do my best, which might even be the worst thing I could ever do To become what I think that I am not, what I hope that I'm not Which is something I'll later regret |